The Family Guy

“You are such a family man!” 

(Not to be confused with the foolishness that is the television series, The Family Guy)

I was actually bestowed with that dubious distinction by a friend of mine a few weeks ago. I must admit, I did not see it coming, and I was really not sure how to take it first. Was it a friendly jab or a true compliment? Fortunately for me, it was intended as a compliment and I counted it an honor to bear such a title.

As I thought about that label for a while, I began to consider the state of the modern family.

Families today seem to go through things that the “Leave It to Beaver” families decades ago never could have imagined. Marital disharmony, teen drug use, teen pregnancy, and rebellion are just a few that come to mind. Society exerts such an influence, and often a negative one at that, that trickles down and wreaks havoc in the family unit. With the constant barrage of attacks from groups and organizations that seemingly seek to destroy the family unit, it is important, perhaps now more than ever, to guard with all that we have in us the sanctity and unity of the traditional family.

For those that would dismiss the importance of the family unit and say that troubles are not there, take a few moments to consider the following statistics from  “Father Facts,” Fourth Edition (2002)

• Fifty to 65% of first marriages end within the first 15 years.
• 24 million children in the United States live without their biological father.
• In 1970, fewer than 400,000 homes in the United States had children being raised by single fathers. By 2000, that number had risen to 2 million.
• Over 3 million children in the United States live with an unmarried parent and his/her partner.
• 63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes
• About 40 % of children who do not live with their biological father have not seen him during the past 12 months; more than half of them have never been in his home and 26% of those fathers live in a different sate than their children.
• In 1960, only 9% of children in the United States lived with single parents. By 1995 that figure rose to 27%.
• Ninety percent of Americans believe children should live in the same home with their mother and father.
• In 1990, almost 5 million children lived in neighborhoods in which single mothers were head of household in more than half of all families in those neighborhoods, 80% of those children were African Americans.
• Nationally, over 19.2 million children live with single parents.  About 3 million live with single fathers while over 16 million live with single mothers.
• Unmarried parents accounted for over 30% of children born in 2000.
• In 1996, over 9 million children under 18 years old who were born out of wedlock did not have a father who was legally identified.
• In 1970, there were about 4 million divorced Americans. By 1998, the figure rose to over 19 million.
• About 60% of couples who divorce have at least one child.
• Studies on families with a great deal of conflict suggest that children raised in those families do better if their parents stay together than if they divorced.
• The fathers of over 1 million children in the United States are in prison.
• About 40 % of children who do not live with their biological father have not seen him during the past 12 months
• 90% of all runaways and homeless children are from fatherless homes
• Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents
• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes
• Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes 
•  Approximately 1,500 teenagers will attempt suicide in the next twenty four hours.

Such a sad and unfortunate state of affairs we find the family in today.

These statistics (though not all of them are current) do not reflect every situation, but they are a good indicator of the health and vitality of the modern family. These problems cross racial and social bounds. Wealth does not provide immunity. Attending church does not guarantee protection. No wonder the family unit is crumbling.

AWOL Fathers

It has been said that a community or a church is a direct reflection of its families, and a family is a reflection of its father. The role of the father in the home setting has the potential capacity to affect, for better or worse, every other institution in society.

The involvement of fathers in their children’s lives is crucial to the well-being of a child. It is not the job of the church, it is not the job of the school, and it is not the job of the caregiver to instill values into our kids. It all begins with the father.

MIA Mothers

There is an old cliché that says there is nothing on earth like a mother’s love. This is quite possibly truer than you might ever imagine. The presence and actions of a mother in the lives of her children is absolutely essential. The nurturing and training role of the mother is vital to the well-being and growth of a child.

I am not saying that the statistics above reflect the condition and the outcome in all broken homes, but they are a sobering indicator of what has been found to be true in many. Although the statistics above are hard to swallow, this is where we are with the modern family of today. The two-parent home is such a vital need in the society we are in today. Values and morals must come from both the father and the mother.

Single Parents

And let me say this (because it would be an absolute shame to fail to bring out this point).God bless the single mothers and fathers who make their house a home for their precious children, even in the midst of trying times and circumstances. Keeping a home together as a single parent is nothing short of a God-given ability that no one living in a two parent home structure can ever truly understand or fully appreciate. Suffice it to say that the love and dedication required in these situations is nothing short of inspiring and amazing.

The Church Is Not the Solution

Not to worry because the church can “fix” all of these problems in the family, right?

Not so fast.

Far too many people are doing so much “busy work” in churches today, that all of these well intentioned “good deeds” are occurring at the costly expense of their precious families. Husband and wives, moms and dads, are so busy ministering to others, that they forget that they are first and foremost responsible for the spiritual nourishment and well-being of their own family. Family time is often overshadowed by “church activities” and “ministry”.

How quickly people, even Christians, seem to forget that God instituted the family unit before He ever instituted the church. In fact, without a strong and grounded family unit, there would be no church to “go into all the world”.

Quality time with family is a rare thing in the busy world in which we live. There are so many other “important things” that take the place.

Family Before Church? No Way! Say It Ain’t So!

This is the point where I may step on a few toes and ruffle the feathers of popular religious philosophy. But that’s OK. The truth hurts sometimes and I have scripture as the basis for truth. (After all, bruised theology will most certainly heal with time and prayer!)

It begins at home, friends. God’s order of operations is as follows:

1. God 
2. Family 
3.  Church

Not my idea, not some great preacher or evangelist’s idea, but it is God’s design. 

"If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?” (I Tim. 3:5) So based on this scripture, I believe it is safe to say that the true effectiveness of ministry in the church is somewhat directly proportional to the ability of a man or woman to manage their own household. God is a God of order. Unbridled chaos in the home can’t result in fruitful ministry.

Three verses later, the hip waders come out. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim. 3:8) We have a scriptural obligation to provide for those of our household. Our society is bloated with people that can work, that choose not to. This is an injustice that I believe breaks the heart of God. In truth, the Bible says that those that can work but refuse to should not eat another morsel of food. (Refer to 2 Thess. 3:10 and it this will become crystal clear)

Aren’t Our Families Worth It?

Morals and values are the responsibility of the parents, and the instilling of these must begin at home, not in the Sunday School, Children’s Church, or in the sanctuary on Sunday morning. These forums should serve to reinforce the foundations that have already been laid at home.

Lee Iacocca, American businessman and engineer of the Ford Mustang, put it perfectly when he said, "No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?"

 

Well put, Mr. Iacocca. 

Would that our greatest earthly accomplishment be the investment of love, prayer, time, and energy into our precious families that would last into eternity.

Left Turn Only

Left turns. What a hassle!

When driving a car, it is so much easier to make a right turn than it is a left one. Even if the stoplight is red, we can legally turn right (in most places) as long as the traffic in our intended lane is clear. Not a great deal of thought or decisiveness is required for a right turn really. When the coast is clear, you just turn right and you are on your merry way.

Oh, but a left turn! A left turn requires a bit of patience. The left turn requires more attention and carefulness. The left turn requires us to have a keen awareness…to look to our left, right, and sometimes in front of us before making our move. Left turns can make your head spin, figuratively speaking of course. 

My son Caleb has just recently received his driving permit, and I must confess I have been somewhat nervous about our new driver in the home. He is doing very well as a beginner I am happy to say, and my new favorite song as a result of being a passenger to a teenager is “Jesus Take the Wheel”. (That’s a little “teen driver humor” for all you parents out there that know exactly what I am talking about!)

With Caleb starting to drive now, I must say that I do get nervous about him making those intimidating left turns. The left turns require a heightened sense of anticipation and judgment. First, you have to get the right timing to get into that left turning lane on a 4-lane highway, sometimes carefully crossing a couple of lanes to get there. When you do get into the turning lane, knowing when to “squeeze the lemon” and push through that left turn yellow light when the traffic flow is uncertain can be a challenge, especially for the beginning motorist. To top it all off, the oncoming traffic can be turning right while you are turning left (ultimately placing them into your lane), turning left (placing them close to your turning path) or coming straight (for which you have to wait until they have passed before turning). Left turns can be downright nerve-wracking. But, as a young motorist, I have to allow Caleb into those “left turn” situations, as a learning experience.

Think about it for a second. If we take right turns only every time that we drive, in theory we end up going in a “square circle”, never going anywhere. You’d see the same scenery over and over. You would memorize every landmark, road sign, and road kill (sorry…bad visual there) along the way.  In fact, you would make no forward progress at all. What a boring journey it would be!

So what could be so important about a discussion of right and left turns? What's the big deal? Well, sometimes for convenience sake, we rely mostly on the “right turns” in life. We know our circle of family and friends and are comfortable in that comfort zone. I am certainly guilty, as are many of us. But in taking the easy and familiar route, we miss out on so many things that God has planned for us. The soul needing healing is often at the end of the left turn. That coworker that is dealing with the loss of a family member travels beside the road encountered just after that left turn. The individual longing for acceptance and friendship can often be found by refusing the right turn in favor of the left. The opportunities that we encounter are more often than not found along the path of greater resistance (left turns), when we step outside of our own little world and into another’s. 

Life’s “left turns” are not always convenient, comforting, or easy. It takes faith, and faith in a nutshell is stepping out into nothing and finding something there. God wants us to take the sometimes difficult left turns in life so that we don't miss out on His plan for us, opportunities that would never be available with a right turn. Many of Gods most rewarding opportunities along our life’s journey are not along the path of least resistance, but along the path of greatest sacrifice.

Don’t skip life’s left turns. God may have something big in store just around the bend!